A model of change your logical mind will like.

For a few years I led workshops and webinars at the turn of the new year, reframing the notion of making resolutions toward more mythic and visual language of crossing a threshold and answering a call. 

I wanted to hijack the collective excitement of the moment and help people re-direct the rising energy of these times to buoy those flames of desire - so they could initiate the changes they wanted to make, instead of getting swept up in hurried ‘new year’ resolutions based off surface ideas and external influences. 

I wanted to emphasise that rising energy can mean rising vitality. Rising energy can indicate the stirring of an inner fire of desire - a quickening - that points you toward something important or meaningful. A “call” to foster something new in your life - i.e. change

These deeper stirrings can be brought to the surface by major events like sacred celebrations and family gatherings, and clear indicators of time passing, like the new year and birthdays. These moments can be a call to reflect on: What is going on? How have things come about?, and What could happen next? To then ask: What do I want? Does something need to change here?

But, for different reasons, people get stuck turning the flames of desire into action - to take the steps, to trust in a cyclic process of change that is unknown, non-linear, zig-zag. It can be anxiety-provoking.

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What can be confusing is that the energy of excitement and the energy of anxiety are very similar so when it comes to standing on the threshold of change it might be hard to decide between “abort, abort, it's dangerous” and “ok, this will be an adventure”.  

I’ll give you a hint though - it doesn’t need to be either-or - it's both-and. Both scary and exciting. But the mind finds it difficult to hold these dichotomies together - the logical mind essentially has a risk reduction agenda. So it makes more logical sense to step back and say “no - I want to be safe”.

This is what makes change hard, and our well-made intentions flop. It can be hard to decide to cross the threshold into an unknown next. We want our life to change but we don’t want to have to change our habits, our relationships, our perspectives, ourselves! Or, it can be hard to hold steady when our early shaky attempts to initiate a new behaviour or idea seems to fail.

We’ve become so addicted to ideals of perfection, and so avoidant of shame that the mind will tell us - “best stay small and where you are”. Stay safe

Over the years I’ve taught about change through the mythic language of the Archetype of Initiation:- the call to cross the threshold, the descent into the unknown and liminal time and space, then the return to life transformed. People are inspired by this, but in terms of practicalities - i.e. taking action and making those first awkward steps  - what people find helpful is mapping a psychological model of change onto this archetypal journey of transformation. 

The Stages of Change Model was originally developed 30 years ago by psychology researchers James Prochaska and Carlo Di Clemente* to address addiction behaviours. But it has become transtheoretical in its application across many motivations toward change.

What I like about it is that it first appears as a series of steps (simple and appealing for the logical mind that likes straight causal lines! - but it’s a trick!). But, just like the cycle of initiation, The Transtheoretical Stages of Change is at its core, a non-linear and spiral process. 

image adapted from original research by Prochaska and Di Clemente

So I’ll state this upfront - all true and meaningful change requires repetition, moments of circling back, to review and revise. Built into the model (see the little arrows) are frequent moments of back and forth. There is rarely a simple and direct path from start to finish. It is false, and an unhelpful expectation.

Knowing this might help to make that first scary step feel more ok.

Let’s take a look at the model. As I go through it I suggest you bring to mind something in your life that feels like a body stirring, a quickening or a call to change and action. Start to plot this on the model, so you can have a sense of where you are, and what the next step could be

1.Pre-contemplation: “I won’t …”

If you are here you probably aren't aware of any need to change a thing. Sometimes it’s others that flag to you that something’s not right.  If you do acknowledge a problem, you mightn’t see it as something you need to do anything about or that the issue is with others or external circumstances. Generally, the idea of change is rejected or denied. But if there is a glimmer here, it's an opportunity to build awareness. 

In my practice what I see is people coming to manage symptoms of stress or depression, while being unaware of the causes that trigger or maintain the issues. The work is to soothe symptoms while (gently) exploring underlying factors.

2. Contemplation: “Maybe … I’m still thinking about it”

Once here you’re thinking more about change and have a stronger intention to change. The desire is building - it's the quickening - but you might still be ambivalent so you go back and forth with pros and cons. Fears, doubts and obstacles might overpower the desire to cross the threshold.

It's here in contemplation that people can get stuck - sometimes for years! Mind battles desire and soul - and it can feel frustrating and immobilising. But you are before the threshold.

Robert Fludd, “Philosophia sacra’ 1626

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary a threshold  - in a psychological and physiological sense is - “the level at which one starts to feel or react to something” and “the magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be”

This means for something to happen in the “crossing over”, we need to tap into a higher level of energy or emotion to help us step across. A degree of charge and intensity is necessary to facilitate that first step in the transformation. SO, if you feel that charge - rather than regulate emotions down to soothe and stay ‘safe’, consider it to be a cue that “I am onto something”, and tap into it.

3. Preparation: “I’m willing …”

This might not look like “real” action, but there is a greater readiness to act, and I’d say the small steps here are small actions. This looks like planning, gathering resources and information. Maybe you’ve made that appointment with a specialist, or you're reading books on a related topic, or you’re making room in your house to begin that project. You’ll notice greater determination, even excitement as you develop a stronger belief in the importance of the change you want to make (and yourself).  

The intensity of energy is rising to help you to stand right on the threshold. In my practice, this is where I help people build skills for emotion regulation, so they can tolerate the discomfort from holding the tension in that sweet spot between anxiety and action.

Wilhelm Bernatzik, Gate to Paradise, 1906

4. Action: “I am doing it…”

It's happening, you’re trying it out, and you are participating. You've crossed the threshold into the unknown, so there can be relief from the building tension of taking the step. Change is in process and progressing as you experiment with new behaviours, new emotions, new thoughts and perspectives.  Normalising your lack of skill, with the mix of awkwardness, embarrassment, and pride is helpful because you are a novice so these new ways of being, doing and relating might feel funny until they become practiced and habitual.

Here the little arrows of review are vitally important - they encourage you to go back and check your progress, do more preparation if needed, re-do and make adjustments to your method, and repeat that over and again until. 

This phase requires commitment to staying conscious, and time and energy to invest in developing new patterns. The bonus is that with action comes a sense of achievement, confidence, and healthy ego development.

5. Maintenance: “I’m still doing it ..,”

Now you’ve been on the spiral path for a while and the original threshold is far behind you. You’re more confident, less awkward and perhaps you don't have to think so much about the how. There’s a sense that something about you has changed - transformed - and you re-emerge to move about with more ease in the world with this new thing becoming a part of you. But you still need to remain conscious and vigilant to the signs of old habits returning to prevent relapse. 

Relapse is inevitable to various degrees, as the pull of the old pattern is strong. Especially in the early days, it can take effort to keep going against the grain. So watching out for this, and ensuring shame and failure do not overwhelm you are things to plan for (Who will you reach out to?, What is the action to take you back on the spiral path?) 

Termination -  “It’s done” - used to be the last stage, but the researchers dropped it as they saw it was rarely reached. In my practice, I HAVE seen it in discrete circumstances, but I would say it's extraordinary as it comes with a clear-cut slicing away of the old way. An absolute certainty that the other way no longer exists.

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One of the hardest things to do is change -  to tolerate that rising energy and realise that what you think is anxiety, danger and a sign to back off could be signs of new life being stirred from within.

It can be hard to pause and look - to review our life and circumstances, to admit we just are sick of ourselves and ways, and to follow a desire to live differently.

It demands a sense of trust in a deeper part of yourself and that whatever is emerging will be ok. 

I hope the stages of change model has helped ease some of the doubt in your mind - to help you on your journey toward whatever change feels meaningful and important - no matter how small!

When you listen and respond to the quickening, this is a call from a deeper, quiet and soulful part of yourself. Sometimes we can more readily do mythic and deep soul work when the rational, logical mind buys into it to help make sense of the process. A true partnership of the scientific and symbolic

Mendy xx

*Prochaska, James O.; Norcross, John C.; DiClemente, Carlo C. (1994). Changing for good: the revolutionary program that explains the six stages of change and teaches you how to free yourself from bad habits (1st ed.). New York: William Morrow and Company. ISBN 978-0688112639. OCLC 29429279.