Choose or Be Pushed

Awakening and walking the soul’s path.

“One day something happens that requires you to become more conscious ... and that’s the day your life changes”

— CAROLINE MYSS

What Myss is suggesting here is that we don’t choose to step on the spiritual path or a journey of transformation. We arrive at it through a crisis. A health crisis, a relationship crisis, an identity crisis, a psychological crisis, a pandemic crisis…. Anything that trips up how you see the world and yourself in it.

I’ve generally emphasised that we do choose it; in the sense that at some point you make a conscious choice to take responsibility, to reflect inwardly and question the ‘truth’ of how you’ve been living and perceiving the events of your life. But I think the point Myss is emphasising here is that if things are going well, or if we at least perceive them as “all good”, why would we bother to do anything different? So yes, the only reason to change the course of your life would be in the event of some crisis.

Without friction, resistance, agitation, a spark of ignition, would we be motivated to do anything different?

Recent global events are a great example of how for so long, there was either blind indifference, acceptance and passivity, or learned helplessness regarding how power was distributed. We knew our politicians were corrupt, we knew that systemic racism and gender inequality was a thing, same with institutional sexual abuse, the suffrage of marginalised groups, the ecological crisis…

While there were certainly individuals and movements fighting for recognition and change, for the greater part the largest sectors of society threw up hands up to claim “but what can we do … it’s just the way it is … it’s too big … they hold too much power”.  

Denial, avoidance, disconnection, blame, righteousness. These are adaptations or survival strategies that we as a collective have developed to deal with feeling powerless.

But the blinkered  outlook also maintained the status quo. Until it seems, a global pandemic crisis as the tipping point shook the foundations and destabilised some of these power structures. And even though the outcome might mean a redistribution of power and a new way of being, being plunged into change still creates fear, uncertainty and chaos. The frameworks that contained us for so long aren’t holding up, and we’re not really certain of the what or how to do next. Scary.

I’m making quite a long point to illustrate how similar intra-psychic processes of denial, avoidance, apathy, gas lighting and overcompensation are also used to not face the things in our lives that aren’t working.

And so maintain the dysfunction in various domains of our life. … We sabotage ourselves by staying in the wrong relationships and jobs, we tolerate not okay behaviour from others, or behave in not okay ways toward others, we engage in self destructive addictive behaviours of over-drinking, compulsive shopping, food and exercise obsessions, chronic social media consumption …. All to manage or avoid the  pain and fear of facing the things about us or our life we don’t like.

Jungians call these un-faced parts, the rejected part, our shadow self. The flip side to our public persona. The idea is that at some point during our early life, we were made to feel bad, stupid, ashamed or afraid to express natural emotions, qualities or behaviours. Either people close to us in family or community, or greater cultural law ridiculed, criticised, ignored or rejected us, or threatened to, if we expressed these or lived outside the expectations of our culture. Not necessarily malicious but could have been. So these become aspects of ourselves that we repress and suppress. But leak out or jump out in shocking and dark form, when least expected. The tongue lashing to your child, the midnight snacking, the extra marital affair, stealing, the binge drinking … The deeper the suppression and denial, the less aware and conscious we are, and the more likely shadow will express itself destructively and pierce the veil of compensatory schemas projected by our persona.

So we come back now to the tipping point. The point where we go, “actually no! I can’t bear this any longer. This has to stop”. Do we come here on our own?  We’re just living a blissfully unaware life, then decide to change course? More likely something comes and slaps us on the forehead to wake us up! Inexplicable panic attacks, deep despair and depression, your partner leaves you, you lose your job, you lose something or someone of value, burnout, chronic fatigue, a physical injury that stops you in your tracks, cancer!! We can just hope that when the slap comes it’s not too late.

When I see people in session, they’ll often eventually admit that the message that “something is not quite right “ had been knocking for a while. They knew that this drinking, that relationship, this workplace, that attitude, the perfectionism and striving … was harmful but the alternative of going against the grain, rocking the boat and disappointing others by being different was far more frightening. The ego saving strategy of denial and repression held on; until a crisis took the choice away from them and they had to face it – start to challenge the status quo, the structure of their beliefs and habits, and their external reality.

If you’ve come upon or are riding the waves of your own slap down and “crisis”. Take care and take heart. This is a potential awakening moment. Initially there’s a reorienting, a gathering and soothing that happens. Taking care of self and learning how to stabilise your mind and body after the shock is essential.

But at the same time this is where you start to question the truth and ask the real, big, extraordinary and cosmic questions - “I’ve lost myself, I don’t know who I am … what is real? what is the purpose of my life? what am I here for?” - and be prepared to take action…. This is stepping on the spiritual path, where you decide you’re no longer willing to follow the expected route and follow some external power but wish to forge a path of your own, guided by soul and live these cosmic questions.

You take care of your hard feelings but also consciously peak into the shadowlands, attend to what you’ve repressed and denied, altering your self-sabotaging behaviours, challenging the frameworks that have thus far contained your life, and in doing so, reveal the deep self. You might not know immediately all the details of how, why, and when, or have a clear plan for what’s next, but that is the nature of being guided from within.

Michael Meade says that “adversity reveals the genius”. He’s talking here of ‘genius’  as your unique gifts, talents, character, as your soul’s expression that comes into the world through your challenges and wounds. This is brave, tender, compassionate, challenging, rewarding and life-long work. Pause, ground, gather, get support and get your bearings often, but continue to walk the path.

Much love

Mendy 🗝