5 of Wands - Argy Bargy
Five people, each dressed in different coloured clothes, tights and boots gather and face each other. They each hold and brandish a long, sprouting wand; in a manner where the wands seem to criss-cross each other in a random pattern. They each stand wide legged on slightly undulating green-brown earth. The sky takes up 3/4’s of the back ground and is bright and clear blue.
V of Wands from the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot
Each time this card pops up I immediately think - ‘argy-bargy’.
I’d always thought this phrase to be Australian sing-song slang - but it origins are English-Scottish.
In any case, argy- coming from argue - places the scene as one of conflict (like all the 5s in the tarot). And because wands in the tarot are connected to energy, vitality and passion, the conflict is lively, maybe vigorous, but in this case not dangerous or violent. In the scene the people wear almost theatrical clothes which makes me think it’s more drama than threat.
I can almost hear the kerfuffle too… can you? Listen … The clack-clack of wands bumping into each other, voices rising and falling and talking over each other, the shuffle-shuffle of feet, the huff-puff breath … argy-bargy.
No one is meaning harm - but no-one is meaning well either … no-one is listening, everyone on their own agenda, not much progress. It seems like pointlesss squabbling.
Where and with whom have you've engaged in "argy-bargy", whether in personal relationships, friendships, or work situations?
What can you identify as the underlying point? or (misguided) passion or energy?
Just before I started to write this article I’d been grocery shopping with my husband. Drawing the card helped me to zoom out to recognise us both playing out this precise dynamic!
We were nit-picking about particular brands of products, he questioned my choice of lemons, I was hating on his driving and emphasised this with dramatic screams.
Normal for many couples to a degree. It doesn’t really signal serious conflict or a relationship in trouble; but I could do with less of it. It’s irritating, its a drain - life-force is being used up without purpose or direction. Even though were were there for the shared goal of shopping for dinner, even connection and company, it felt very unconstructive - even competitive!
How might winning, being right, or better than, drive you into kerfuffles with others?
What are the things you’re righteous about - with others? What does righteousness or knowing best feel like in your body?
In their book “Toward Psychologies of Liberation”, authors Watkins and Schulman warn about the fragmenting effect of individualism. How we can all over-identify with our personal opinions and ideas, think them as better, defend them often automatically/mindlessly, at the same time as rejecting the ‘other’.
Consider how your personal view and approach exists amoung a multipicity of view and perspetives. There isn’t just one way - one view.
Brainstorming was pretty popular in organsiatons for a while (maybe still is?), as a process for generating out-of-the box ideas and solutions to problems. Seems exciting. But in practice, its questionable how useful or effective it is.
Uneven participation like e.g. dominant vs slow to warm up personalities, and differences in men’s vs women’s engagement means not all views are heard/considered. And there’s also just the inefficiency of throwing spaghetti at a wall and hoping somethings sticks. The 5 of wands feels like good intentions but poor or ignorant execution.
Watkins and Shulman also talk about ‘restoring a sacred manner of relating’ through the conscious culivation of dialogue. This might sound too boring for the chaps in their vibrant frocks and big sticks. Big ideas - big energy often want a quick outlet, but catharsis often doesn’t change anything really. It’s noisy and busy, somethings is happening - but is it even very good?
BUT - when you learn how to hold the tension - by pausing and listening, pausing before speaking, taking turns, reflecting, clarifying with good questions, respecting others differences - the energy redistributes and changes. Then there’s potential for something completely new, unique to emerge.
What are you missing when you’re in a rush to make your point, or have your way?
Where and with whom could you practice listening, affirming and asking questions to create a collaboration?
Since being slapped in the face with this card around the squabbling with my husband I've really taken this to heart, mind and body. It’s actually quite dfficult for me to eliminate the pettiness and let go of “being right” and “knowing best” - a personal foible that is now more revealled and so ripe for exploration and reworking
- I feel holding the card image in mind - as a reminder of the silliness - pointlessness may help me resist the force of the ancient power play, help me lean into dance and play itself, and open up the exchange to allow creativity to emerge.
Much love
Mendy🖤