5 of Cups - Mourning
A person wearing a long black cloak stands with their head bowed, before 3 cups that have fallen and spilt their contents; red and green fluids. 2 upright cups stand behind. A river flows in the mid-ground flowing under an arched bridge that leads toward a stone building set within large trees. The sky is grey.
5 of Cups from the Rider Waite Smith Tarot
Rituals of mourning help you process loss. While the death of institutional religions during the modernist era, signalled a rejection of toxic rhetoric and dogma, this also meant that helpful guidance, rituals and initiation practices that helped you “move through” difficult moments were also discarded.
Major losses, like the death of a loved one continue to be honoured though (primarily secularised) funeral ritual. But the process of moving through less obvious everyday loss is less clear.
These losses are the type that make up the minutiae of mundane life, like the loss of a relationship, job prospect, or physical capacity, the loss of a role or status, material loss of money or things, and the loss of a future that might have been paired with any of these. The loss of a dream, ideal or fantasy.
When I think of “loss” what stories and emotions arise?
What is a recent loss that’s happened or I am experiencing right now?
A common interpretation of this card is that the person remains morbidly focussed on the 3 spilt cups and the loss, and fails to see the 2 upright cups behind them, and the bridge to home.
This reflects a tendency for many of us to focus on our wounds. Carolyn Myss called this ”wound-ology” and much of psychology continues to be guilty of the same; obsessed with diving into old hurts and traumas in a bid to understand the origins of the wound and “why?!". The problem with retelling those stories over again, is that you can become seduced by the malaise, and don’t look for a clear pathway out.
So instead, can you pull your focus away from the drama of those 3 cups, and re-imagine this?
🦇 The person stands before the 3 cups, bowing in respect, and symbolically shrouding themselves in black - black being the colour of death but also the darkness that happens before the light. The time between ‘knowing and not knowing’ 👁 They take time to examine and honestly acknowledge what’s been lost.
What was valuable, and what wasn’t?… What did this represent to me?
A phase of recognition, with enough understanding (i.e it doesn’t have to be complete or absolute understanding), along with some appreciation and acceptance.
What am I feeling sorry for? What have I learnt about this disappointment?
How has what happened to me, help me appreciate what I had ?
🔗 The person turns, opens the cloak to reach down and pick up the 2 cups, acknowledging with gratitude what IS good, available, and still working ~ different to what they had, but valuable nonetheless. Realisation that there’s an opportunity here for a new beginning. As they walk along the banks of the river, holding the 2 cups, the emotional impact of what was lost continues … but flows 💖 … Then walking over the bridge to the stability of the building symbolises crossing over into a new phase and regrouping to begin again🚪.
In what ways has my experience help me grow emotionally?
What opportunities for reconnecting and renewal are here for me to turn towards?
What would processing this loss look like as a ritual for mourning?
Emotional resilience develops as you learn to:
acknowledge the reality of what you’ve lost, and tolerate the discomfort of the difficult emotions, for a time
without becoming stuck in victimhood, grief, despair, rage or hopelessness, and
make moves to begin again, in a new direction, making new connections, with new skills or attitudes.
This kind of process, ritualised - so consciously enacted through body and mind, contributes to a resilience that is protective in future moments of emotional hardship and challenge.
xo Mendy